Blog for Internet Safety Speaker, Writer, and Host of the Internet Safety Podcast: Big Mama’s House Podcast – Jesse Weinberger. Welcome parents, teachers, and schools looking for guidance and resources on Internet Safety, Digital Parenting, and Device Use – you’re in the right place.

Parents: Teach Media Literacy to Children; Consume Worthwhile Media FIRST: 100 Books Every Human Should Read

, , ,

media literacy.fwAs I travel around the US teaching internet safety to students, parents, and school districts one of the central topics of discussion is this idea of “media literacy”. What is media literacy?

As consumers of media we need to understand when we are being subjected to some sort of media bias 100% of the time. Producers of content are trying to make you FEEL something and believe something which might go against your values.

Do you even realize when it’s happening? The overwhelming percentage of media messages have some sort of bias (even most news outlets). When you hear or see a message can you identify the: sexist, ageist, racist, religious biases, or political agendas?

And please don’t assume that your favorite news agency only leans in one direction. That direction will blow in the wind according to the slate of advertisers on deck. Every opinion is for sale, and the farther you dig into media literacy the clearer that will become.

Being media literate helps you to analyze and evaluate the message you see, hear, and “consume” via all delivery systems: print, radio, television, and digital. Teaching media literacy to young people becomes particularly important because of the massive amount of content teens consume on a daily basis.

The average American teenager spends:

  • 31 hours per week watching television
  • 17 hours per week listening to music
  • 3 hours per week watching movies
  • 4 hours per week reading magazines
  • 10 hours per week online

GRAND TOTAL:   10 hours and 45 minutes per DAY on mass media consumption (according to a study done by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation).

In addition, an overwhelmingly high percentage of the media bias your child is consuming is sexual in nature.The messages your children receive (depending on what they are watching/hearing/reading) generally takes on slight variations of the same flavor:

young men are shallow and heartless sex seekers

young women should only just care about looking photoshop perfect in order to hook and keep the heartless sex seeker

That’s it – this is the basic lens through which your children consume media. Awesome.

Media Literacy Trick: Consume Great Content

If you want to cultivate media literacy in your home and with your children, you need to lay a foundation of solid and worthwhile content to act as a counterpoint to all of the vomit content which exists in the real world and in the digital ether. Incidentally, most of the real-world “print” vomit content is located at the end of the grocery store check out aisle.

If you our your child are at ALL engaged to the current relative size of a Kardashian’s back side….begin reading this list STAT. You need an intervention.

Amazon.com has put together a list of the 100 Books Every Person should read. Think of this as a literary bucket list.

  1. Go through the list
  2. Mom and Dad: Read the ones YOU haven’t read yet
  3. If appropriate to your child’s reading level/maturity – have your child read it as well
  4. Discuss the book over dinner – like your own little book club
  5. Your child’s insights will impress you, they were just waiting to be asked. What took you so long?

Remember as you consume content, don’t shy away from the content which might clash with the values you are trying to teach your own children. For example: A book with violent undertones (ie Hunger Games) can act as a springboard for discussion which will linger in your child’s mind far after the discussion is over.

What to do now?

Go to Amazon.com and check out the list. Begin reading WITH your child, and pay attention to the content your child is consuming.

Like today.

I Disagree Completely With HuffPost Article – Here’s What You Should ACTUALLY Do If You Catch Your Kid Sexting

,

Rachel Busman, PsyD recently published a Huffington Post article called Caught Your Kid Sexting, Now What?

Dr. Busman makes great points related to parent education; a point I stress when teaching parents, students, and school districts. Parents must become educated when it comes to their child’s actual digital life. Once educated, parents need to engage at every level of their child’s digital experience. And yes that means setting limitations (GASP!) and snooping.

  • Is it hard? Yes.
  • Is it exhausting? Yes.
  • Do you have any other choice? No.

For the record

I take issue with just a few things in Busman’s article

  1. While some tweens and teens use Facebook (for reasons I can’t explain, kids in rural areas tend to use Facebook more than kids living in urban or suburban areas).  If we’re going to talk about being educated about your child’s actual digital life, put a closer eye to: Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, and Ask.fm
  2. Sexting is a felony. If your child takes a sexually suggestive photo of him/herself and sends it to someone else, even another child – your child may very likely be charged with a F-E-L-O-N-Y. And it’s happening every single day. Sexting is unlike alcohol use, breaking curfew, or other relatively minor youthful transgressions. Your child’s future is at risk, quite literally, at the hands of the device he is carrying in his back pocket.
  3. The reality of this situation is that teens are losing their: lives (via sextortion, suicide, and homicide), personal reputations, athletic and academic college scholarships, college acceptances, and in some cases their personal freedom as they go to jail or get listed on a child predator registry (or both). (Note: Yes, your little angel can be listed as a sexual predator if convicted of sexting which is actually a charge of creation, possession, and/or trafficking of child pornography – which will do wonders for their future career options.)

She said WHAT?

I agree with Busman when it comes to her points on : parent education and rule setting. But then, she says that if you do, in fact, catch your child sexting:

“Hard as it may be, you want your tone to be open and concerned — not angry and blaming, or shocked and horrified. You don’t want to start out by slapping on a bunch of restrictions. You’re not going to be able to have a real conversation if you do that, and kids will be more prone to do an end-run around the rules if they don’t feel that you understand them. Social media may not seem important to you, but it can seem like life or death to teenagers.”

OK, so this shocks me a little bit. I think I even sucked in my breath and muttered an “oh, HELL no”.

I happen to be a huge supporter of our teens and I love meeting your children when I present at schools all over the United States. The vast majority of these kids are smart and funny. They’re trying hard to just get through a life that seems like some sort of medieval obstacle course complete with swinging blades and burning bales of hay. Your children need your help.  As a parent that “help” can sometimes require you to push, and other times pull.

Grab a Hammer

Busman recommends calm and NOT slapping on a bunch of restrictions. Really?

If I have done my part as a parent; if I have taken the time and effort to become educated as to my child’s digital life;  if I have become engaged and asked all the right questions; if I have set rules and I’ve tried to be a good digital role model; if I have told my child to NOT take a photo of her junk, if my child KNOWS this…..and still she takes a photo of said junk? There will be no calm and there will be no discussion. 

I’ve been teaching Internet Safety since 2003 and I’ve seen parents come and go by the score. And let me tell you this. If your  do not make your child’s digital life stop on a dime the first time something happens? You’re cooked. 

This is not the time for understanding, coddling, or anything else other than unadulterated consequences. For me, that requires smashing the phone with a hammer. That’s it. Done. There have got to be consequences within your home. If your child knows the rules and breaks them, feel free to break the phone.

I agree with Busman’s point that :

Social media may not seem important to you, but it can seem like life or death to teenagers.

My response? Your child broke the family contract. If their digital social life is so critical to their well being, then they should NOT have broken the contract. When are your children supposed to understand actual life consequences if you don’t provide them in the home? The real world is NOT going to be filled with calm and understanding: police officers, prosecutors, landlords, or even in-laws.

Sexting is not alcohol, it’s not drugs, or even sex – which could potentially be “dabbled in” as a course of becoming an adult; a sort of “learning lessons” along the way.

If you do not provide these consequences at home your local prosecutor and online sex predator would be more than happy to do so in your place. But I promise you, you won’t like the results.